What I’m about to talk about is extremely controversial and taboo, so if you’re under 18, stop reading NOW.
Do you remember what it was like to have sex with your woman for the first time?
It probably had a really hot sex life for a while. But then the longer you dated her, the more it became boring and routine.
After a while, maybe she started to say things like “not tonight, I just want to get some sleep.”
Sex tends to get boring the longer you’re in a relationship.
According to Nora Harlow’s book Lover to Lover, there was a sex life study done at Columbia University where they interviewed couples. When they asked newlyweds about their sex lives, almost all of them reported that they were having sex multiple times a day, for long periods of time.
When they interviewed couples that had been married for three years, they found the opposite. Not only were they having sex much more infrequently, but the duration was shorter, too.
Face it. It’s almost a fact that your sex life will get boring over time if you don’t do something to keep it interesting.
And you can’t just hope that because your relationship is magical right now, that it’s going to stay that way forever– because research shows that that’s just not the case.
So how do you keep your sex life fresh?
Sure, learning a new fingering technique or trying a new position is a powerful way of improving your sex life. But it’s not the only way.
I believe there’s something much deeper to it than that.
I believe one of the reasons why sex is so rewarding is because it resolves tension in the relationship.
If there is no tension to resolve, your sex life gets boring.
- Have you ever noticed that when you’re jealous of your girl, sex with her seems so much sweeter?
- Have you ever noticed that when you get angry with your girlfriend, make-up sex tends to be really really good?
- Have you ever had a friend whose partner cheated on them? What did they do? I bet that instead of doing the right thing and dumping the jerk, they worked even harder to keep that person in the picture.
- Have you ever noticed that most passionate relationships often tend to be very tumultuous?
The reason why these married couples in Harlow’s book are not having the sex life they desire because there is not enough tension in the relationship.
We live in a non-confrontational, happily-ever-after society. These couples are probably good clean moral people, trying to avoid confrontation in their relationships, tip-toeing around what they really want, and killing their sex lives.
This may seem very dark for some readers.
But now more than ever I believe that tension is an essential component to your sex life.
You don’t have to be an asshole or even play games.
The next time a little tension arises in your relationship, just notice that it could be a good thing.
See it as an opportunity.
Then take a risk, and stand up for what you want. If you do, you’ll embrace a deeper honesty and intimacy in your relationship than before. But if you don’t, you’ll go further down the path of Harlow’s Columbia University subjects, destroying tension in the relationship in the process.
Some other pointers:
- If you have other female friends who are attracted to you, don’t apologize for it.
- Don’t “get serious” with a girl just because you feel it’s “the right thing to do.”
- If you’ve been seeing a woman once a week for several weeks, take a week or two off. See how she responds.
- Avoid giving her gifts or showering her with compliments too frequently. This resolves tension too quickly.
How did I figure all this stuff out?
Practice, practice, practice.
You can read all you want, but if you don’t date women and experience them yourself, you will not internalize any of this stuff.
What’s the easiest way of meeting women?
Get a match.com profile.
It’s easy to set up, and for the cost of a date, you can talk to a virtually unlimited number of women.
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Have a great day!
Elliott Gordon
